Communicating in Silence
Express yourself in Silence
Is what I learnt from my Grandparents!
August is the month my Grandparents got married, and they lived to celebrate Seventy Five plus years of togetherness.
How did they survive seventy five years of marriage? The secret I guess was unconditional acceptance and unconditional love. I have never heard them say “I love you” to each other verbally. I never heard or saw them impress each other through surprises or gifts or through poems or sentimental physical greeting cards to secure or assure their love for each other. They never had the compulsion to post “Honey I love you” pictures to publicize their Love for each other. Still they survived 75 plus years of marriage. The strength of their relationship is respect and reverence for each other. My Grandma would say…. “Your grandpa does not like talking aloud”. Both of them valued each other’s sentiments.
Of course each human comes with their own characters and emotions. They did go through emotions and did not agree on everything. But they communicated their differences also in silence like how they expressed their Love for each other in Silence.
They played clear-cut roles in their family life. My Grandma took care of feeding and upkeep of the family and my Grandpa earned money and maintained the family. Both of them had no ego clash, they took charge of things that they are best at in running the family with Love and peace. After retirement from work, my grandpa helped with household chores. He nursed her by giving her medicines on time when she was unwell.
Only question my grandma asked my grandpa was on their first night of marriage day – “what is your salary”? She clearly communicated what she expects and my Grandpa clearly understood and met her expectations of providing her a comfortable life where there was no dearth of comfort – physically, monetarily and emotionally.
In public or talking among family members, it was cute to watch them express their opinions to each other just with eye contact, whether to go with the decision or not. Such was their emotional understanding… beyond words.
They respected each other’s privacy. Never compelled each other to do everything together. They had no other expectations from each other, other than a comfortable and peaceful life. My grandma would do her fasting, go to temple almost everyday, do her art work, cook exceptionally well, still she would never expect my grandpa to appreciate verbally that she is the best. She never forced my grandpa to accompany her to temples or functions or going to places. Same goes with my Grandpa, he never needed the ego boost of constant verbal appreciation of how smart he is in his work and in maintaining the family.
When you know you are best, why do you need constant reminder from others about how best you are? Something we all have to think about.
Both of them enjoyed their own private “space”. Unlike the present times where the main complaints from spouses are not spending time with each other, lack of appreciation, encouragement, or not sitting and talking to each other.
They had thirteen children, out of which only two survived. I can’t imagine the pain and emotions they would have gone through. In today’s world, we complain of stress for petty things in relationships.
It was a soulful relationship between my grandparents, letting Ego stay out of their personal relationship. Probably that is the secret and strength of their long courtship.
My grandma during her last days on earth, requested my grandpa that he can leave this earth only after their last grand daughter gets married. He did survive to see last granddaughter’s wedding and breathed his last after three months of the marriage. Amazing is their Soulful life journey. Something I will treasure to my heart and imbibe in my Life for a Soulful journey. It was an Era of Union of two Souls growing and evolving together. So all gestures were subtle.
Experience Love “in Silence”!
Marriage is the culmination of two souls supporting each other in “Soul” Evolution, remaining in Silence!